“Over time, I’ve become increasingly aware that the world is divided into people who wait for others to give them permission to do the things they want to do and people who grant themselves permission.” -Tina Seelig, What I wish I knew when I was 20
I’ve been thinking, lately…(and maybe not enough acting)
That I constrict myself to what I think others want me to be. This has been the case with the (few) relationships that I’ve had, and is the case with some of my friendships as well. I meekly go with the flow until I realize I had a choice all along. Sometimes, it’s too late. Now is one of those times. I always planned to go home after 1 year in Korea, or at least I did before I came here. Now, the plan is likely the same, but this time I’m going to give a legitimate reason. Before this, I was telling people the reason was because of a previous obligation. True, it was there, but it wasn’t until Mom was saying “Brooke, (family and friends still call me that sometimes) you can’t let one day determine your entire life. There might be some nice pictures, but…”
This whole time, I told people why I was going home after one year, and the reactions ranged from veiled disagreement to saying I was a great friend. No one said I had to say that was the reason I was going. I just kept saying it. Now, with deadlines looming, I don’t want to have to work at a private school I can’t be sure of or renew my present contract. I’ll be honest with people and tell them I don’t really have a plan. I don’t really know what’s next. I’m going home because I waited too long and I like knowing things in advance.
I’m going to learn from this failure though. Have you guys ever heard of a thing called a “Failure Resume”? Apparently the lady who wrote the book I referenced above, Tina Seelig, took the idea from another professor, Liz Kisenwether. I’m annoyed at myself for not listening to what I might have wanted. In the future, I’m going to beg for forgiveness if I have to, instead of asking for permission. (not to say that coming here in any way was a failure, or that coming back is me being a failure)
Life goes on. (And so does the job search!!)