Today I had my first interview in like two months I believe. It was nice because it was with someone I know through my bible study. It was so cool to see someone choose me to interview not just because they knew me (though that was the initial reason) but also because my resume had no spelling or written errors. She is going to interview a few more people, and her fellow staff member had heartily recommended someone, but I’m still in the running. The trouble is that I am not sure if that is the field I want to go into or not long-term. My friend said this was something important to consider, so I will do that. I want to be a good fit. I am also not sure if my temperament is the best for this as well.
I shouldn’t take just any job, I should have some aptitude for it. This is news to me. For some reason I just figured since I don’t have the aptitude for what I used to consider my dream job (study abroad advisor) that it didn’t matter as much what I did. With the way my mind works, I am more apt to come back to my short-comings instead of remembering how far I’ve come. Why is it so hard to remember the good things about myself and to separate behaviors from my self-worth?
I AM valuable, and I HAVE TALENTS, even if I don’t know what they are. Even if it seems like I have nothing to offer this world. God made me with some kind of skill-set, and it’s my half of the bargain to keep trying to find a niche. Sometimes I want to give up. But then someone will remind me of all the things I have been blessed with, like growing up in a household where I never wanted for food or clothing or health care.
The world doesn’t owe me anything. God doesn’t owe me anything. He is waiting for me to notice him and to thank him instead of coming to him (and everyone else) with everything that is wrong. So what if I can’t concentrate the way I want to and I have trouble with assertiveness and accepting love and giving love to others? Those things are not the end of the world. I can make goals and dedicate myself to not just “becoming better” but to becoming the woman God knows I can be, and appreciating the good things about myself and those around me.